The Sexecutioner

We'll get to the title in a bit. So, Saturday we get all gussied up because we have a full day of events. We were at the 7-11, where the cashier (young Asian girl) didn't even know what a case of water was!
A: Excuse me, do you have a case of water?
YAG: What is that?
A: This thing right here. This is a case of water.
YAG: oh.

So we get 2 cases of water and 2 large bags of ice (YAG: is that a large bag of ice or small?) and this random guy carries the ice for us and the waters to the cash register and then to the car! We generally are in sweats with no make-up and ponytails so this just reminds us that guys do all kinds of stuff for you when you show a little skin. As he's loading up the car, he notices all of our gear in her trunk: roller blades, helmets, cleats, knee-pads, guitars for guitar hero, etc.
Guy: How many kids do you have?
M: None.
Guy: You play guitar hero?
M: I am the guitar hero. Uh, well, thanks for helping us.
Guy: Don't thank me, thank God.

Whoa.

So, we're off to event, part 1. It's your regular soiree BUT with this kick-ass spread. This woman made Filipino Chicken Adobo and my god, did it taste amazing with the Albarino I brought. This is a killer pairing. I ate like 5 bowls of the rice and chicken. Not sure what was going on with the party. Can't talk, eating.

Part 2 of event was about an hour behind. The guest of honor was told to stay outside because the bathrooms were being fixed, never mind the garbage bags that have been hastily taped up on the doors. So, then she goes and pops a squat near a bush! Mind you, this is in the community center of a very nice condo complex. Then, M notices her grab a leaf and is like, "No! It has thorns!" Girl: "oh, it has thorns!" Lordy. So finally, the Sexecutioner rolls up in a Dodge Charger with toilet paper on the front. You would think that a man who's livelihood depended on him getting someplace on time would make full effort to do so. It was interesting to see him in civilian wear and what kind of car he drove. He was a pretty big guy in jeans, baseball cap, backpack and polo. I did note that he carried 'tims that showed no signs of being worn outdoors (I guess costume is sporty thug?). I think that in the South, 'tims are a guy's version of CFMPs (new acronym of the day). Well, let's just say the next hour was really hilarious. He had about 5 songs, did very scandalous things and - this killed me - lip-synced to the very cheesy songs. Hello, Phil Collins, I can see it coming in the air tonight?!

We then cleaned up the place and went our merry ways. I suggested that since we had to be at part 3 by 11 PM, we might as well just park there and eat nearby to avoid multiple iterations of driving and parking. Well, DC can be somewhat of a wasteland after 9 PM. There isn't a hell of a lot open. M's feet were in pain so I tried to minimize the walking but she was not having any of my food suggestions. I couldn't shake her unhappy face and was getting a dose of my own medicine. After a little spat where we almost just went home, we found satisfaction at McCormick and Schmidt's (she had seared yellowtail tuna and I had half a dozen malpeque oysters and some rice pilaf). Oh, we passed this really neat art installation of pipes that lit up when you touched them and played music. Very fun!

Finally, we head over to Josephine's for Part 3 (http://josephinedc.com/). I can't remember when I was last at a heterosexual club. I get major anxiety about such events, especially in DC. In 1998, some of us in the Wellesley In Washington program decided to hit the town. We picked this big party and were dancing when this guy starts freaking me from behind. I ignore him, he keeps doing it, I say "No, thank you", he keeps doing it, I say, "seriously, no", turn around and the mf hits me in the back. I turn around to kick his a-- and the coward was gone. So, I was stressed about part 3. It was a very nice, exclusive club. We had reserved 2 tables in the golden room and were roped off from the hoi polloi (not that weird guys didn't try). The DJ in the Golden Room was fantastic - great mix of hip hop, dance music and yes, and 80's medley (M can't get away from Livin' on a Prayer). I was very happy and secure. I knew that there were poles there but M was not thrilled about me using them and purposely picked a dress that would make it impossible to do (must get me some booty shorts!). This girl S was really excited so we headed off to give her a little lesson and for me to have my pole dancing debut.

These poles were obviously for non-dancers (mostly for drunk girls to fall off of). The pole was set up at the end of the platform so you had no room to walk around. I had to tap people on the shoulder and just really swing into them to get them out of the way. My shoes flew off and hit a few people. But, S did a nice job for a first timer and I had a blast. I was able to do 2 out of 3 spins and a couple of non-spin tricks because the others were not possible on this sorry excuse of a platform. We went back to the tables and it was a terrific time until some jackass started throwing ice. Seriously, I hate stupid club guys. God help any single girl who tries to find someone to date at a club.

All in all, very fun, I love dancing with M, and a night out that I hadn't done in a long time.