On the Hit List

I'm hiding out at home. Ok, well, until 5:30 PM. You see, I've been on the hit list for a long time and they are out to get me. There was a hit on me today but they weren't successful.

I've been pooped on 3 times and there have been multiple attempts. The first hit occurred when I was in 3rd grade and we had to walk under the route 46 overpass to get to elementary school. I hated going under there, it was dark, the cars passed through really quickly, it smelled like rotten grapes and there were pigeons that lived in the rafters and tons of poo on the sidewalk. So, fine, you could say that it was just a matter of time before I got hit. They seem to like to get me on the way to school because I was poo-ed on two more times after that at various stages of my journey to school.

They have tried to get me through my bedroom window - there was a big smear for the longest time. They have tried to get me three times as I rode as a passenger in cars. They got me on my side window on M's car and this morning on the windshield of my sister's car. They were aiming right for my face and the poo was RED!

So, my dreams of owning a convertible are dashed against the rocks and I am hiding out. Will the witness protection program take me?